Dear Ambellina...

May 18

2012 is MY Year

2012 is about halfway over, but this is finally the year of change for me.  In January, after agonizing about it for months, I finally cut off my waist-length hair and donated it.  I’m due for another cut here soon, but I have to say it feels so freeing to have shorter hair again!

I had gone over a year as a non-smoker, until I started my stressful fast-food job and discovered you really only get a break if you smoke.  A bummed cigarette here and there led back to full blown addiction.  About 2 months ago, my boyfriend (a 13 year smoker) and myself switched completely to nicotine vaporizers and haven’t had a cigarette since.  I will never, ever go back to cigarettes.

In April, on a whim, I submitted my resume to a local casino to hopefully be accepted into their Blackjack dealer training program.  I thought it was a long-shot, and I was beyond excited when they called me to come in and interview.  I made it through, and now I am coming up on my last week of training.  All I have to do now is rock my audition and have my gaming license approved.  I have such high hopes for this job opportunity!

On April 13th, my boyfriend and I made the decision to give up carbs and sugar and follow a keto diet.  I started off weighing 156 pounds (a number I am ashamed of - I had weighed 132 in February 2011.  Working in fast food and indulging in beer and cocktails really caught up with me).  Today, only 5 weeks later, I am down to 142.  That’s right, 14 pounds in 5 weeks with no exercise, side effects or starvation.  I feel fantastic and I am so excited to continue losing weight and keeping it off.  It is a lifestyle change moreso than it is a diet, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made.

Sunday, May 13th was my last day at Sonic.  I know it sounds crazy to leave my job before I was guaranteed this blackjack dealer position, but I have extreme confidence and now I have plenty of time to devote to practicing and perfecting my skills and knowledge.

Monday, May 14th, at the age of 26, I did something I have been putting of for 10 years - I got my driver’s license!  I passed the test on my first try, despite sweating like a whore in church and worrying the entire time that I would botch it.  Since then, a huge weight has been lifted.  Driving is no longer this scary, awful, foreign thing.  I’ve been driving myself to training class all week (it’s about a 20-25 minute drive during rush hour Kansas City traffic) without having even a hint of a meltdown.

Today, while my boyfriend slept, I put on my big-girl panties and drove myself to Sonic, where I picked up my last check.  I then drove over to the bank to deposit it, and then I went ahead and had the notary public sign off on my application for my gaming license.  For the first time pretty much ever, I felt like a real adult.  I felt like, “Wow, I accomplished something.  I ran errands all on my own, for me.”

I did it.  I set goals for myself this year that I am actually accomplishing.  I’ve made it.

Mar 26

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